FCAS is not pronounced F**KA*S

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Following chaos at last month’s Rafople spelling press conference, a new controversy has come to light regarding the pronunciation of FCAS (Future Combat Air System) a joint Dassault/Airbus plan for a combat aircraft system or system of systems (which may develop into a systems of systems of systems). According to Eric Frappier, Head of Nomenclature & Onomastics for aero giant Dassault, FCAS is pronounced ‘F-cass’ and not ‘Fuck-ass’. In the press release he noted, “any connections with anal sex are unintentional – this system is strictly for killing.” 

A spokesperson for rave weapons manufacturer MDMA we talked to noted, “We initially had the same issue with the ASRAAM (a missile) – which is said as ‘az-ram’ and not ‘ass-ram’. I mean ass is an American thing – it is arse over here anyway.” 

Frappier’s release was criticised by sex positivity activist Titty McShane who was angered by the denial, ‘The idea that anal sex is something to be distanced from is quite frankly disgusting…and also where have the vertical tails come from? Have they given up on true low observability?” 

It is likely that FCAS will rely on the new concept of a remotely piloted/unmanned loyal (or poly) wingperson, a simpler but still high performance aircraft known colloquially as a ‘strap-on’.

Some see Britain’s rival Tempest as an attempt by BAE Systems to enter FCAS by the backdoor. Both Britain, Europe and Turkey have created doll versions of their proposed fighters in an attempt to let influential politicians get a selfie in the cockpit “holding the steering wheel and looking like a cool fighter pilot.” The mock-ups are slated to be used as disappointing museum exhibits from 2025.

In attempt to quell the storm in both the world of sexual politics and the defence industry, Spain has joined the project and has requested that FCAS be renamed CARAJO (Combat Aircraft/Remote Aerial Joint Offence). This will see the project merge with ATROYA (Advanced Technology Remote Offensive Yuropean Aircraft).

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The BAE Systems project tempest is named after Burlesque Star Tempest Storm. 

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